Deadly Encounters (Raina Kirkland Book 4) Read online

  Katie looked to the door with a furrowed brow. She couldn’t hear them. She couldn’t smell them. She wouldn’t know they were coming until they came through the door, maybe seconds before. Humans are so vulnerable.

  Damon came through first and held the door for the boys. Everett, in all his Gothic glory, walked in shaking his shaggy green hair and stomping the remaining snow off of his boots. Thomas ran to the dining table and plopped down in a chair beside me, startling Isobel.

  “Sorry,” he murmured as he hugged me with freezing arms.

  “No worries,” I said.

  “Damn!” Everett thundered with a great big smile. “You are back! Wow, after all these years, back from the dead—it’s good to see you.”

  “Thanks, I wish I could have been there for your wedding. Katie Guthrie has a nice ring to it.”

  “It does,” Everett said, and Katie wrapped her arms around his neck as he walked into the kitchen. He pulled her in close and pressed her body against his at the small of her back. They shared a passionate kiss that made me smile for their happiness. Though, seeing it made me long for the passion Damon and I used to have. I missed how in love we were. There’s almost no better feeling in the world. He used to be my best friend, lover and life partner all in one. Who was he to me now? I didn’t know.

  Thomas made a big show of distaste for Katie and Everett’s public display of affection; sticking his tongue out and making gagging sounds.

  “Thomas,” I warned with a nudge, but I was still smiling, and Katie and Everett were still holding each other. So sweet.

  “Raina,” Damon said, still holding the door open. “Can we talk?”

  “Sure,” I said after a moment’s pause. Though, conversations rarely go well after those three fatal words are uttered, can we talk. Cringe!

  ♦♦♦

  I can honestly say I’d never stepped foot in Damon’s office at Bastion Fatal until that very moment. For years he tried to get me to see him professionally. Oh the pain I’d gone through. How could I possibly deal without professional help? Balls to that. So what; I was murdered as a baby, brought back to life by a god, tortured by a vampire in my teens until the trauma was so great I suppressed it entirely, attacked by some freak vampire, and watched my brothers die, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. Shit happens. I kick ass. I get over it. Life goes on sucking.

  My lips were set in a deep frown as I walked into his small box of an office. I didn’t like it. The décor lacked character. The walls were bare, the carpet was a nondescript brown, the furniture looked like seventies thrift store rescues, and it smelled of strong cologne. Whoever Damon saw last was really into Old Spice. The smell brought back vague memories of my estranged father. But that wasn’t why I was unhappy. I wanted to spend time with my family. I wanted to hang with Katie and Everett before they had to go home. I wanted to play fifty questions with Thomas, and bond with Isobel before they had to go to bed. I did not want to talk about my feelings.

  Damon sat on his desk. “Please sit,” he asked, and with his hand he suggested the nasty orange love seat directly in front of him. I didn’t like that seating arrangement. Him, high on the desk, looking down on me. I climbed onto the couch and sat my ass on its back with my feet on its cushions. We were even this way. It was pathetic how juvenile I could be sometimes. “Or, you can do that.”

  “Hey, I’m sitting on the couch. Talk.”

  “Are you angry with me?”

  “Yes,” I said instantly. Truth. “I don’t want therapy. I want to be with my family, so hurry the hell up with whatever you want to talk about. I don’t have a lot of time until the kids go to bed.”

  Damon pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. “This isn’t therapy, its privacy.” He looked at me. “This is one of the few rooms at Bastion Fatal that no one, not even vampires, can hear into from the outside. Doctor/ patient confidentiality.”

  “Okay,” I said, not hiding my lack of interest.

  “I think you’re mad at me for more than stealing away precious minutes from our children.”

  I breathed out hard, flared nostrils…not a pretty face. I didn’t want to be angry. I didn’t feel like I had a right to be, not at him. I’d been gone for years, and he was seeing other women. It made sense, but to me those five years felt more like five minutes. It hurt like hell, but I understood. “I do feel angry, but I don’t know why,” I said.

  “I think you do.”

  “Well, I don’t. Maybe I’m just angry in general.”

  “I think you’re mad at me for something I did while you were dead,” he said. Goddess, would he just stop poking at me! I’m mad, but I’ll get over it, whatever it is.

  “I thought I was the one who could read minds here. Please enlighten me as to why I’m angry with you,” I said, trying to hide just how angry I was becoming behind a joking tone that just came off as heavily sarcastic. He leaned back and crossed his arms. Without a facial expression to go along with that posture he looked smug and condescending. “It’s not because you’re seeing other women, Damon. If that is what you’re thinking. You moved on. I would have. It’s normal.”

  “Do you want to reestablish romantic relations with me?” he asked calmly.

  His calmness made me exhale harshly. Of course my answer was yes, but did he have to ask so coldly? I shook my head, “Yes, maybe, I don’t know. I still want you.” I closed my eyes and tears threatened to leak out because it just hit me as to why I was so mad at him. And it wasn’t because he abandoned our home, or was seeing other women. “I still love you, but you’ve shown me almost no affection since I’ve come back.” I opened my eyes and the tears ran down my cheeks. “I died for you, Damon. I sacrificed myself because I thought you were all in danger, and now I don’t think you love me anymore.”

  “I do love you,” he said. I didn’t believe him. If he loved me why make things so complicated. Why couldn’t he just hold me, kiss me? “I love you, Raina, but I don’t feel worthy of you.”

  “Why?” I asked, sniffling like some child. How embarrassing.

  “It’s hard for me to admit it, because I dread your reaction. But if we want to rebuild our relationship, I want it to be based on one-hundred percent honesty.”

  “It is the golden rule,” I said, but I looked and sounded as scared and untrusting as I felt in that moment. I had a very bad feeling about what he would say next. I wasn’t reading Damon’s mind, I swear. All supernatural shit aside, I had a knot twisting in my gut something fierce.

  “When Adia was alive, I was in love with her beyond reason. I’d do anything for her. When she died I was crazy with grief. It took me years to heal. When I found out you had Adia’s blood in you; that was when I became interested in you. I wanted to be close to you to be close to her. For a shamefully long time that was my sole reason for pursuing you. I didn’t really see you, I saw her.”

  “No,” I mouthed. I was looking at him, but my vision had gone blurry, unfocused. Tension was seeping into my joints. Adrenaline was coursing through my veins. Fight or flight?

  He was still calmly sitting on his desk. “Yes. My goal was to recreate that relationship I had with Adia, with you. Only, what I had with Adia was all about sex and hate and vengeance on the world. What I had with you was all about love and family and protecting the world from the monsters out there. And I loved what we had, Raina. It was so much better. I was so much happier.”

  He stood and sat next to me on the couch. I wanted to move away from him. I wanted to leave the room. With every word he spoke I hated the sound of his voice more and more. I wished he’d just shut up! Shut up! I didn’t want to hear this.

  “But then Raphael told you Adia was alive and you started looking for her,” Damon continued. Damn him. “I never really believed she ever possessed Alistair, or that she drove him mad. I thought it was a lie he sold to cover up years of abusing his collective. I knew she was gone, so I just played along. I just let you do what you felt you had to do, but I thought
I knew better, because I’d spent centuries looking for her, hoping beyond hope that she survived the shipwreck. I found nothing, and I was sure you would come to the same conclusion.”

  “But she is alive,” I said quietly.

  “Yes! In our little girl, in Isobel. I don’t know how to feel about that. I’m mad at the demon who put her in there. I’m scared for Isobel. And—I feel guilty, because a small part of me wants to leave Adia inside her if the alternative is death for Adia. I love both of them.”

  I could feel anger rising. I averted my eyes and looked to the floor. I didn’t want to look at him. I was afraid I’d blow up! So much anger, so much betrayal!

  “I love you, too—Raina, look at me,” he pleaded.

  “No.” I swallowed hard past the lump in my throat. “I need space right now. I need thinking space,” I said as I got off the couch and walked to the door.

  “Raina!” he called after me, but I ignored him. I stepped out of his office and closed the door behind me.

  I leaned against the door for a moment and thought back on our relationship. At first, every kind word, every kiss, every longing stare he gave me, those were for Adia, not for me. At what point did he love me for me? Did he love me when we made love for the first time? Did he love me when we celebrated our first Winter Solstice as a couple? I felt like such a damn fool. I really thought he loved me. I never could understand why a man like him would want a girl like me. He was so smart, so beyond me; hundreds of years old, several doctorate degrees. He could have any woman. He proved that by his actions after I died. But he chose me. That always made me feel good about myself. Even if I couldn’t see my worth, he did. But he never did, did he? He loved her, he loves her. So much so that he’s willing to sacrifice our daughter to her.

  “He’s a stupid thing,” Raphael said in my head.

  I wiped the tears from my face and made my way to Damon’s apartment down the hall. “Leave me alone, Raphael. I’m having a bad night.”

  “You have good ones?”

  “Good point.”

  “He’s stupid on many levels, Raina. He’s stupid for still having feelings for that wretched woman. He’s stupid for willing to endanger Isobel for her. He’s stupid for hurting you, of all people. I mean, does he have a death wish? You’re a fucking vampire god for fuck’s sake.”

  I was at the door, but I didn’t open it. I stopped there and winced with annoyed confusion. “Endanger Isobel? You’re the ass-hat that put the bitch in her in the first place.”

  “I never claimed to be an intelligent creature.” That was true.

  “Then be smart. Tell me how to save Isobel. Tell me how to stop Apollo.” He fell silent. Goddess, he confused me. He says and does such evil things, but then he says and does things that seem counterproductive, counterintuitive.

  WHY HE LOVES ME

  AFTER A WONDERFUL, slightly awkward night with the family, Damon wanted to come with Alistair and me to see Nick, but I refused to let him tag along. I didn’t know what to do with him. We had children together. We shared a home. He was always my most trusted and beloved friend. Everyone makes mistakes, but I wasn’t sure if I could forgive him for putting me between him and his obsession with Adia. And now, even considering endangering our daughter for that she-vamp’s sake. No, I was livid.

  I didn’t tell Alistair what Damon had said. Alistair was protective of me and Isobel. I didn’t really understand where his strong feelings came from, and that scared me. Until a couple of hours ago I didn’t understand Damon’s either, and now I knew they were less than honorable.

  We, I mean, I decided we would walk at a human’s pace to Kamaria’s Café from Bastion Fatal. I needed the fresh air and time to think. Not to mention the view of Commencement Bay was beautiful at night; shining night waters, sparkling snow and thick frothy white clouds dancing low and slow in the dark sky with city lights twinkling all around us.

  “I’ve contacted Melvern,” Alistair said as we strode along. At some point during our walk I put my hand in his without really thinking about it. For comfort probably. He didn’t fight it or make a big deal about it. He just gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. “He agreed to meet with us tomorrow night to help Isobel.”

  “Tomorrow night?”

  “He said he’d come tonight, but he’s dealing with a minor crisis of his own. Wouldn’t say what, though,” he said with curiosity in his voice.

  “Tomorrow’s great,” I said. Tonight would have been better, but I let it go. There was comfortable silence between us until I worked up the courage to ask him a question that had been burning in my mind all night. “Alistair,” I began.

  He looked down at me with a smile. “Yes.”

  “Do you love me?”

  He stopped walking and I stopped too because he was still holding my hand. He looked concerned when he said, “Why do you ask?”

  “Curiosity.”

  “You know I do.”

  “But why exactly do you have feelings for me? You’re this ancient creature. You’re powerful. You have your own collective of almost fifty vampires and hundreds of other creatures, all loyal to you. And to top that off, as if that wasn’t enough, you’re pretty good looking.” Understatement of the century. “I know I have low self-esteem, but I’m also practical, Alistair. I’m not fishing for compliments or an ego boost. I know I’m kind of cute, I’m not completely stupid, and I have some skills. I’ll give myself that much credit, but it’s obvious that I’m so below you, isn’t it?”

  Alistair laughed good and loud. “You tell me. I know you can read my mind, so you tell me what I see when I look at you.”

  That caught me by surprise. Damon always made a huge deal about my mind reading…in retrospect, I could guess why. He had to keep his little secrets from me. And here’s Alistair inviting me into his head. I could think of no one I knew who would do that…

  I stepped in closer, until I was snug against his chest, and closed my eyes. Closeness and shut eyes weren’t necessary, but it felt right. I closed out the sound of the traffic roaring by us on Ruston Way, and dropped my mental wall.

  Alistair’s life as he remembered it was bare to me. Recent memories and prominent emotions floated at the surfaces, and I saw me through his eyes. I looked small and closed off. My eyes always seemed to look down; down as I walked, down as I talked. When I did look up, it was only for brief moments and then my eyes would fall back down. As if I were taking sneak peeks at the world and everyone in it. I didn’t remember being so shy, even after all that I’ve been through, but to him it made every bold move I made that much braver, that much more meaningful.

  “Now, let’s see, when did I fall in love with you? No, first let’s look back a bit farther. You’ll have to forgive any distortion. These are my memories of you from the moment I first saw you, while Adia was still in control.”

  The first thing I saw was my uncle, Seth. He’s a tall elegant half elf, half wizard with black and gold hair that’d never been cut. His hard, narrow face and large black eyes looked down at me, or rather, Alistair. He was showing Alistair a picture of me on his cell phone.

  “This is my niece, master. She and her brothers have been infected with our affliction,” said Seth.

  It was a picture of me at our family’s temple. Wearing my old thick framed glasses, I was looking down at the floor. My dark red hair was long in the front and pouring over my shoulders, while the back was cut short and neat. I missed that hair style. Because Adia and Alistair shared one body, one brain, I knew she thought I looked weak. But she also thought I’d make a better vessel than her brother. By this time, I’d already met her once in a dream. If Raphael was to be believed, she’d tried to possess me then, but failed. However, she knew I was young and would be so easily manipulated. Alistair thought I looked innocent and his anger flared up at the thought of what his sister would do to a young woman like me. Adia quickly laughed out loud. Seth seemed unfazed by his master’s sudden outburst of laughter. That too filled Alistair wi
th so much anger. He saved Seth from a life of imprisonment and torture, only to become his tormentor!

  Flash forward only a month or so. It was the first time I met Alistair in person. He was in a panic the moment he learned we’d be in the same room! He’d watched as Adia used his body to rape woman and men, skin children alive, eat the hearts of people he’d loved. As always he did everything he could to diminish Adia’s power over his body, but his efforts never saved a soul, not one. He couldn’t save my brother, Nick, from Adia, and he wouldn’t be able to save me.

  He entered his throne room and saw me standing there. I looked sweet but guarded. I even smelled sweet, like oranges and vanilla. Adia used his mouth to taunt me and his hands to touch me. I was obviously terrified of him, but when I looked up into his eyes, he could have sworn I saw past Adia and straight to him. He could have sworn I saw his kindness, his soul, and for just a moment, one fraction of a second, he didn’t feel alone. But then it was over. Adia used him to hurt me, threaten me, and kill a man in front of me. And just when he thought I’d fall on my hands and knees and give her everything she wanted, I yelled at her. Naked and beyond vulnerable, I stood up against Adia; so small and fragile and innocent and I yelled at her/him. He thought she’d kill me for it, but Adia surprised him by letting me live.

  “The next time I saw you, you were in the middle of a house on fire,” he said.

  I looked up at Alistair. “No, you entered one of my dreams before that. I remember, because you tried to kill me and Adia had to save me from you.” Alistair gave me questioning eyes and a face thick with confusion. “That never happened, did it? You never entered my dream?”

  “As your maker, Adia alone has access to your mind, and even then, only as far as you let her in. Whatever you dreamt I did to you, that’s all it was, a dream.” I let my head fall against his chest and sighed. More manipulation. “No, the next time I saw you was immediately after Adia’s soul was pulled out of me. Raphael stood in front of me in my bed chamber, a horrifying sight of a beast. Just as he was pulling her from me I heard you call out to her for help. Once the demon held her soul in his hands, I flew out the window. I followed your scent.”